Characters: 11th Doctor, River Song
Summary: It's unnerving to travel with River Song, she tends to get sidetracked.
“River!” the Doctor yelled.
River hung upside down, a rope wrapped around one leg as she broke into a safe two stories up.
“What Sweetie?” she asked casually, her hair streaming down, as she twirled the dial.
“What are you doing?” he whispered hoarsely, looking over his shoulder, expecting guards to come bursting out of the hallway.
“Shopping,” she said with satisfaction as the safe popped open. She reached in and pulled out a dripping handful of diamond necklace. She held it up, upside down. “How do you think I’ll look in this?” she asked, rippling the scintillating web.
“Illegal!” he hissed, every nerve in his body pulled tight as she swung lightly, without a net.
“Why, thank you, Sweetie!” she stuffed the necklace away in her belt pouch.
“It wasn’t a compliment!” he gritted. “We’re going to get caught!” He was frankly surprised alarms weren’t already blaring. They were in the central dome of the Maharaja’s private apartments. Huge and elaborate, curlicued artwork everywhere and Hindu gods peeping from every corner.
“What do you think of these earrings?” River asked, pulling out a pair of waterfall shaped ruby earrings. She held them to her ears. The strings of stones sparkled.
“I think your ears are worth more than rubies!” he half-yelled.
She stilled and stared down at him, her eyes going wide and deep.
He looked back over his shoulder, surely that was the sound of spears rattling?
“River, the punishment for stealing from the Maharaja is to be trampled to death by elephants. I don’t want a flat, squishy wife, I like having a firm curvy wife. Can we please go?!”
“Ooh, Sweetie. You do say the nicest things.” She stuffed the jewelry into her pouch, kicked her leg free of of the coils and slid down the slack to land lightly by his side. She leaned over and gave him a smooch.
“Ready when you are.”
“Right!” He grabbed her hand and turned to drag her away. He jerked to a stop to see the tall, elaborately robed man standing behind them.
He was dark skinned, with a handsome black goatee, and wearing enough jewels to smother a hippopotamus.
“I see you’ve returned, Doctor Song,” he said in sonorous tones, he bowed with sarcastic respect. The huge chamber doors on the other side of the atrium boomed as yelling guards tried to break through.
“Hello, Raj. Meet the husband.” She flicked a hand toward the Doctor. “Sorry, can’t chat, must dash.” She grabbed the Doctor’s hand and dragged him away, he gaped and stumbled after her.
“That was the Maharaja!” he spluttered.
“Of course it was.”
The door crashed open and pike wielding guards charged through.
That deep voice called from behind them. “My Maharani thought the rubies would go well with your red dress!”
River skipped around backwards and ran lightly in reverse. She blew him a two fingered kiss. “She has excellent taste.”
“I shall inform her you said so, my djinni.” He bowed to her, and stepped aside as the guards boiled past.
She laughed, slapped her wrist and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
“River!” the Doctor said in exasperation.
Guards yelled and bore down on him. He whipped out the screwdriver and soniced a decorative stand of pikes. It shuddered and fell, spilling rolling shafts under the heels of the guards, they slipped and staggered. He pelted down the corridor, swung around a pillar into a blue box, and faded away.
The guards stared, and wilted. The head guard approached the Maharaja and prostrated himself. “We have failed you, your highness.”
The Maharaja waved a dismissive hand. “It is of no consequence, Commander.” He cast a fond glance down the corridor. “It’s always best to keep the djinn amused.”
Doctor Who Adventures
Stories of the Doctor's Other Adventures in Time and Space
- Nerves - (11th Doctor/River Song)